happy.

resigned. happy. poor. sad.





fat. sad.





rest. happy.






tired. happy.






pissed. pissed.








i'm getting back with my old life..my life to how it is supposed to be..happy. crazy.

buset pag may katabing feeling!..

aus ang mood ko knina pag upo ko dito sa harap ng computer e..aus n xe maggan naman sa skul..tpos wala namang problema..tpos biglang may epal..galing mambola sa phone o..over the phone nambobola..

Shehth!..

la na..largest na to e..can't make any larger..

anyway..moving on..this week has been both fun and hassle..let us not dwell more on the hassles i'v had for the week as all of them are all my fault basically..if not, i have overexaggerated things..there are just a few anyway..

moving farther on, i had a very fun saturday with the rest of the family as it was jelai's bday..we're all there including tito jun's family who have just arrived from SA..friends have arrived..my bestfriends aren't there..well because they are really not for saturdays and sundays events anyway..going back, it was relly fun because i saw how happy jelai was..she had the bday she was wishing to have..ofcourse as a kid that's something..but for us adults we may think of it as a waste of time and money..as for me..as long as i see her happy..i'm happy..

there were people who i never expected to have enjoyment in such occasion..

my sunday was really tiring as i went to the office and then rested during the day..i wasn't even able to send lola and tita and tito jun off as they were heading back to cavite that day..

monday, it was fun..no classes so i rested..then i finished the tasked given to me for the newsletter..

tuesday was a bit heavy..basically because of the overexaggeration and because of me being unable to understand things that are supposed to be understood just so to avoid lengthy conversation..i don't know..it just went on and on to my mind that i kept reasoning out for my point..and i kept questioning every statement which was intended to explain what has happened..it's a matter of me being egoistic that i can' accept such explanation..i feel that i have to reason out..i feel that i should question..i feel that i should ask..at the end of the day, i was the one left to concede..which apparently, turned everything upside down..the end that i was expecting indeed ended the conversation but not in a favorable manner as i wanted to..now, i had to deal with it..anyway, what's done's done..what's said's said as i usually advise..maybe i just needed to let time pass..took my off from work..rested..slept good..watched death note 3..amazingly nice..

(maayus din ang lahat)..(may nakuha din pla kong matino k jayjay)..

wednesday..nothing happened..kalamado lang..actually, this is when we had the conversation..boom!..it's done..went to the oiffice..done the usual..saw him..with her..flirting..nice..haha!..don't know what's with them..but i hate seeing them..bitterness?!..maybe.

thursday..here at the office..with the same stupid person i last saw before i left this morning..

having a fight with somebody over the phone..such pathetic thing to do to think you're using phone in the office..( nambobola..nasupalpal..)..halata e..pathetic!..

hoping for something good tomorrow!..:D

i have the bestest pals around..

boarding at tiende..

last friday , had a night out with angel, my newest best buddy..went to teriyakki boy to have dinner during our lunch break,,mind you,,we were just supposed to buy crisps sa mercury sa tiende..etong angel biglang nagyaya kumain..what can i do..join..eat!..it was relly fun..we bought cotton candy..end of the story!?..over break!..Zussette had to log us out of phone to avoid long over breaks..

Sunday was the happiest..

I felt I was back with my own self..after all the rigmarole i've been thru..i'm back with the self i really..as a matter of fact trruly!..truly love!..i was with my friends..we saw a movie..my sassy girl..which although i haven't watched the korean version, chul was very very nice trying to give me the best comparison of the two..wala lang..i felt really good..

i hope all turns well..if not..the same as this feeling..calm and happy..

crazy me..

should i consult a specialist..like..i always feel weird things..i think of unusual things..sometimes it gets so irrational..my way of thinking gets so unreasonable..i can't accept that i am the one acting so weird but i know i am..


i'm pissed..really!..

like i am super irritated..to myself basically..

extreme exhaustion at its best..

we are done..done with the seminar!..it was so exciting that i was not able to sleep at all..whatever..it's not excitement..maybe it was the fact that i was so tired..i could not sleep. sometimes when we are so tired we tend to forget how to relax..that's the irony of it..we are tired yet we tire ourselves more by thinking of how things are gonna work..when by fact, we can't do anything to avoid circumstances which are bound to happen..


anyway..we were the first..not losers by the way..we were good..we did well..we were prepared..during the beginning of the event there are just a few things which irritated me..part of being tired completes the whole actuality of it..moving on..there were comments..that i did not care about at all..anyway those are just comments that other facilitators should improve on..i mean..were done..its for us to improve..but when!?..not within the next eight months!?..so..i would rather focus on the picture that indeed today..i was happy..i was existing..i know what is happening..i was really happy..i must admit..


the irritating behavior seemed to have just disappeared..


anyway..i am about to sleep..this is the real rest i should be having after a straight 48 hours oad of shool-work activities..

this past 2 days have really been so exhausting that i feel i lack air..but it is special..self fulfilling maybe..

hopefully things are gonna get better..happier i presume..

i hate this!..

i'm having it again..i am having the most severe and worst state that i get whenever i am really preoccupied with a lot of things..

symptoms..

first, i isolate myself..i feel i don't belong..i feel i don't know things..so i prefer to be alone..

second, i fight with my friends..i create arguments..i make them mad..i cry..

third, i feel useless..i feel that i should have shown better performance than that of what peopl are expecting from me..

fourth, i stop crying..don't cry again..and feel numb..

this is the worst behavior i have..when..like i said i am so preoccupied..if you tell me that i should drop at least one of things i am thinking of..i'm sorry..i feel that i can't..so i won't..now that i know my responsibilities..it's not that easy to think about myself..it would not be easy..that for a fact i know..

nobody will understand..nobody would want to understand..nobody cares..

:(

pangshout out..kaso maxadong mabigat..

andito ko kasi anajn ka..tpos mawawala kdin..ang gara mo pla..