crazy me..

should i consult a specialist..like..i always feel weird things..i think of unusual things..sometimes it gets so irrational..my way of thinking gets so unreasonable..i can't accept that i am the one acting so weird but i know i am..


i'm pissed..really!..

like i am super irritated..to myself basically..

extreme exhaustion at its best..

we are done..done with the seminar!..it was so exciting that i was not able to sleep at all..whatever..it's not excitement..maybe it was the fact that i was so tired..i could not sleep. sometimes when we are so tired we tend to forget how to relax..that's the irony of it..we are tired yet we tire ourselves more by thinking of how things are gonna work..when by fact, we can't do anything to avoid circumstances which are bound to happen..


anyway..we were the first..not losers by the way..we were good..we did well..we were prepared..during the beginning of the event there are just a few things which irritated me..part of being tired completes the whole actuality of it..moving on..there were comments..that i did not care about at all..anyway those are just comments that other facilitators should improve on..i mean..were done..its for us to improve..but when!?..not within the next eight months!?..so..i would rather focus on the picture that indeed today..i was happy..i was existing..i know what is happening..i was really happy..i must admit..


the irritating behavior seemed to have just disappeared..


anyway..i am about to sleep..this is the real rest i should be having after a straight 48 hours oad of shool-work activities..

this past 2 days have really been so exhausting that i feel i lack air..but it is special..self fulfilling maybe..

hopefully things are gonna get better..happier i presume..

i hate this!..

i'm having it again..i am having the most severe and worst state that i get whenever i am really preoccupied with a lot of things..

symptoms..

first, i isolate myself..i feel i don't belong..i feel i don't know things..so i prefer to be alone..

second, i fight with my friends..i create arguments..i make them mad..i cry..

third, i feel useless..i feel that i should have shown better performance than that of what peopl are expecting from me..

fourth, i stop crying..don't cry again..and feel numb..

this is the worst behavior i have..when..like i said i am so preoccupied..if you tell me that i should drop at least one of things i am thinking of..i'm sorry..i feel that i can't..so i won't..now that i know my responsibilities..it's not that easy to think about myself..it would not be easy..that for a fact i know..

nobody will understand..nobody would want to understand..nobody cares..

:(

pangshout out..kaso maxadong mabigat..

andito ko kasi anajn ka..tpos mawawala kdin..ang gara mo pla..